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If you suddenly find yourself unexpectedly pregnant (regardless of your age), maybe you could use some encouragement. Take it from a girl who’s been there…
I was barely 18 and still in high school when I got pregnant for the first time. My boyfriend was 20 years old and lived a good 7 hours away. You have to understand, I grew up in a very small Mennonite farming community, where everyone knows you and your parents and your grandparents and basically all of your other business. And in a tiny town where sleeping together before marriage is considered one of the worse sins a person can commit, a pregnant unhitched teen is rather frowned upon. The worst part was I felt like I had failed my family. Especially my mom.
I was raised in a Christian home and had always been taught that abortion is absolutely wrong. But as I sat in my room, staring at the third pregnancy test I’d taken that week, I felt panic. Terrible, raw, panic. I knew there was a way out, I could get rid of this “problem” and no one would even have to know. Except me, my boyfriend (as if I could have kept it from him). And God.
So yes, I honestly and thoroughly considered having an abortion. But in the end, I knew I’d never be able to live with myself if I did it. Because, let me just make it very clear: I had no right to take his life away. And in hindsight, I can wholeheartedly say that I am SO GLAD I didn’t. That once little inconvenient fetus is now a brilliant and hilarious 12 year old boy, already on his way to becoming a man. The world deserves to have him in it, and God has unique plans for him. As Zig Ziglar would say, he was “born to win”, even though his parents didn’t initially want him.
But just because it was worth it doesn’t mean it was easy (which is true for most things in life). I’ll admit, I was lucky. My boyfriend wanted to marry me. When I’d brought up the subject of adoption (after we’d ruled out abortion), he basically said he’d rather take the baby himself then. He didn’t really want his child to be raised by someone else. So that’s when we decided we may as well become a family.
Now, I’m not saying this approach is right for everyone. We both took marriage very seriously. We received marriage counseling and both agreed that this is a lifelong promise (also, it helps that we’re totally BFFs). But we had a lot of learning to do and a lot of growing up to do. Our relationship had many problems (especially in the beginning) and we suffered through years of financial hardships. Plus we made so many parenting mistakes I often wondered if our precious baby would have been better off with an adopted mom and dad after all.
Making the right choice meant having to embrace selflessness and make sacrifices every day. Most of the time I sucked at this (still do, though thankfully I’ve matured quite a bit). And making the right choice looks different for different people. If you are in a crisis situation right now, please just understand and realize that you CAN make the right choice! And you absolutely CAN do the right thing!
You and your baby both have a hope and a future. Don’t believe me? Maybe you should go read this post. God doesn’t make anything less than extraordinary. It’s like the song by Casting Crowns goes “It’s time for us to more than just survive, we were made to thrive.” Maybe you don’t believe in God, and that’s ok! But if you do, cling to that hope and never let go. Proverbs 23:18 says, “For surely you have a future ahead of you; your hope will not be disappointed.”
So, what does this mean in terms of practical advise? This is a hard question to answer because every story is so diverse. First of all there are so many good people out there with good hearts. Find a church, organization, or program of some kind to share your burden (and your joy)! Also, I’m forever
pestering suggesting people read/listen to uplifting and encouraging resources. If you’re going through any sort of challenge in your life (who isn’t?) then doing this is necessary. I even have a few recommendations for you!
- Born To Win by Zig Ziglar
- Raising Positive Kids In A Negative World by Zig Ziglar
- The Power Of A Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian
- Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge (I even wrote a post on this book!)
Secondly, find the silver lining. I confess, I cringe as I type that. I of all people know how annoying can be when your going through the hardest thing of your life and some well meaning optimist tells you to “find the silver lining” or “look for the rainbow”. In that moment it doesn’t help. But just hear me out for a second. When (not if) you make it through, you will most certainly look at your life and find all those glittering rainbows and pots of gold you couldn’t see earlier. Just take a chance and believe that they’re there. Having that first baby was the biggest blessing I never even thought to ask for.
Girl, you got this.
If you need to reach out to someone but don’t know where to start, head on over to my contact page. If not to me, then reach out to someone. Don’t try to do this alone (that’s not how life was meant to be lived).
One last thing. To my fellow pro-lifers: if you are against abortion, then I trust you’re one of those people who are part of a church/organization/program I mentioned earlier. Ready and willing to step up and be part of a supportive solution for women who have no other options.
May God bless you and keep you. ♥